House Rules
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door ~ nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,- The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
- The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
- I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this inconvenience. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
- For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the door and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
- The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember - Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:A. Eat less
B. Don't ask for money all the time
C. Are easier to train
D. Normally come when called
E. Never ask to drive the car
F. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
G. Don't smoke or drink
H. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
I. Don't want to wear your clothes
J. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and…
K. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
Joe,
Well, when Pappy ain't fetching, he's humping the puppies. I throw the ball to keep him from bein' incarcerated.
Sunshine,
Eh, I look at it as being an object lesson in the disadvantages of being too narrowly focused. Pappy needs to put his head on a swivel.
8/05/2007
Me n Teka used to have a lot of fun doing the same thing to Travis. Muzzer says you should be glad Pappy will retrieve! It is below my dingity.
8/05/2007
An "object lesson" ? You've got to be kidding, right?
8/05/2007
Sunshine,
I understand your dislike, but can't say I feel as strongly about it. Of course I didn't have to work very hard to reinforce the whole retreiving response. I've been bothered at times when it seemed too rough, but often it draws Pappy out of the shell of ballchasing and into social play. In truth I've had much more disturbing problems with other dogs chasing his ball and getting aggressive if he grabs it first.
Gus,
Yeah, neighbor dog Molly likes to give Pappy a hip-check if he isn't paying attention to her. That, or steal his ball and run off.
8/05/2007
Ah, I see, you are lucky to have nice, though denizen dogs at your park. You are lucky!!
8/05/2007
Sunshine,
To me it all looks like kids playing, but maybe that's a warped perception from being raised in an all-boy house. It reminds me of when we'd be watching TV and my brother would swat me with a pillow until I reacted, and then he'd try to bury me in sofa cushions. Good times.
8/06/2007
Ah, I see perfectly now, you are very right!!
You reminded me of hours spent watching my brother wrestle with his friends. I sat on the sidelines wondering what the fascination could possibly be.
Perhaps this is just the perspective I needed to adjust mine a bit. Thank-you for that. I guess I needed to get over my initial inclination to be an over protective mother.
I love your blog. Your sense of sense of humor and view of things is refreshingly humorous and unique!!
"Sunshine"
8/06/2007